One Spritz too many and your thumb starts looking for that chat. This (totally unscientific) calculator estimates the odds you'll text your ex tonight, balancing Spritz, nostalgia and months passed.
A scientifically useless estimate of texting your ex tonight.
Beneath the joke there's a real mechanism: alcohol lowers impulse control and makes an idea you'd dismiss in a heartbeat while sober suddenly feel brilliant. Add nostalgia and a late hour, and that text to your ex starts to feel almost inevitable. The number above is made up, but the urge it describes isn't — it's the same impulse that talks you into one more round or a nine-minute voice note.
The trick isn't willpower, it's removing the opportunity: leave the phone in your bag, alternate every Spritz with a glass of water, and if you're driving you already know the night ends sober. The exact same logic runs behind the bar: whoever runs the place keeps an eye on how many drinks to serve, knows the legal blood-alcohol limits and works out the cost of every round. If the serious side intrigues you, take a look at the blood alcohol calculator and what a Spritz really costs, just below.
Absolutely not: it's a game. The only scientific part is the advice not to text your ex.
About as well as a horoscope, but far funnier at the bar.
A silly entertainment game. Drink responsibly and don't text your ex.